比较

人始终会有一天那别人来和你比较。原因很简单。
因为当你跟一个人相处的太久的时候，同时也会
把你不好的一面看到一清一楚。到最后，就会把
你放在其他人的角度来做比较。

我不晓得这是不是一个很自然的做法。只是觉得
这样做是不对的。朋友就是一个最好的比较。
可能朋友不是一个你每一天都会遇到的人。或者
久久看一次。好的一面一定会看到完。可是不好
的一面，请问一下。会看到吗？

不会。

所以我在想。和一个你每天都会见到的人，真的
需要这样来做比较吗？值得用那么直接的话来说
出口吗？有一些人是永远都不会明白，当一些话
说出来的时候，是多么的通，多么的难受。

看来，为某一些人准备做的一些计划，真的真的
都比不上一般好朋友。

restless..

Great to know how I actually got myself stuck with
problems in one day. How I got myself stuck with the
phrase no one understands me.

Sometimes I wonder if leaving everything behind and
walk away from problems will make things better.
No, it won't. I will have to explain. Explainations.
Suck.

I so want to go out and drive up to the highest hill
and lie down. Perhaps the stars above me would listen
to my sighs and problems. Perhaps picking up a stone
next to me and talking to it makes me feel better.
Everywhere in me is like blocked. I breathed hard every
after one minute. All I can do is to listen to the same
song repeatitively to make myself feel better.

I understand why when people say leave me alone helps.
It doesn't help at times. Like now. I have no one to talk to.
No one to listen to me. Worse of all, I don't even feel like
talking after reading some messages. Sometimes people tends
to write stuff that hurts without realising. Do I go up to
them and say, "Hey, you just hurt me with your words just
now" - Do you think they care? No. Everyone has to live with
their own reasons. Including me. Yeah, maybe I don't own the
whole world when I'm in a dilemma.

Neither do you.

Come to think of it. All my mistakes leads to only one
conclusion and there's no turning back. I just have to
live with it and listen to words and examples that hurts.
Why must it be that group of friends? Why can't it be
other groups? Why must that group always be the main
examples? Why, why, WHY?!

Instead of driving out and expose myself to risks of
having to step hard on the accelerator. I choose to blog.
It's like talking to the wall. Just that your fingers
doing the work. And you get to read and read and think.
What have I done wrong? I don't even deserve a chance to
make it up to anyone! I have to deal with problems inside
and outside the family. Don't I deserve a choice to choose
not to discuss anything, yet?! I have to suck up to all the
problems and dilemmas that I'm having all by myself. Yes,
I chose that. All I get in return is a few lines of
hit-directly-to-the-heart words. Great.

Thank you very much. Maybe I deserve all these. I even chose
to face them alone instead of taking you along. Yeah, maybe
no one understands me. No one. Not even you. I'm just mad.
Mad at what? Myself? Yeah, maybe. I don't mean to offend
anyone. But who am I supposed to turn to?!

No one. Out of the sudden I feel like I'm the only one
left in this world. Together with melodies that flows in me.
Trying to calm me down. Breathing hard in hopes that the
dilemmas would just leave..

I feel.. restless..

Generation Gap

I always told myself, maybe one day when you get old,
when you have your own children, you might think like
Dad and Mom. But I never think that way when it comes
to cars and gadgets, the things which I like. I know
if my son or daughter have the same interests as I am,
they will enjoy talking about them with me. And I can
tell them what I did when I was their age, how I make
myself feel satisfy looking back at the things which
I have done. The self-satisfaction factor.

I won't have that kind of discussions with my parents.
Cos they don't have the same interests as I am. They
don't like cars. Why? They think it's a waste of money.
I agree to this. But sometimes people work to eat, work
to play harder. Whatmore, investing something on their
interests? Yes, it's true that the car you drive and the
way you modify it reflects who you are. But that doesn't
mean you're a rascal, that doesn't mean you're someone
bad. Everyone has different tastes and point of view towards
certain things. Everyone has the right to say it's nice
or not. Everyone deserves the right to voice out their
opinions. Just as long as you yourself think it's okay and
you feel okay with it. It really doesn't matter what other
people says or comments, right? It's just like when you
think this shirt looks nice and you decided to buy it.
A friend walked over and say, "Hey, I don't think this
shirt looks nice on you" - So, you get offended and decide
not to wear it ever again? That's bullshit.

I think I look nice on it, and I will.

Sometimes I wonder if I will think like my parents. Maybe I
will, maybe I won't. Savings and studies plan for my children?
Yeah, I will. I guess I won't prohibit my children to get
a black car when they're 18. I mean, if it's a dangerous color
why would government even bother to pass them? These are all
man-made comments. Saying black car is dangerous at night cannot
see, yadda yadda yadda. I think it's cool. Anyway, does that mean
modding a black car to look more extreme reflects the driver
as a bad person? I noticed I've repeated this question the second
time. I just can't get them out of my head, yet.

It doesn't alright, IT DOESN'T. It's just human nature for
people who likes cars to mod them, whatever ways they want to.

How many parents are there who supports their kids to mod cars?
Not many. If so, why bother putting bodykits and rims and bigger
tyres? If you don't even like modding cars, why bother thinking
of ways to make your car looks nice? Might as well just leave it
STOCK? You can't. Humans are made to think. They just won't stop
thinking until something came up and satisfy them. Regardless of
how old they are. We are all humans. The only difference is just
because of our Generation Gap.

I'm done. I will sleep the pain away tonight. Goodnight

what a rip off..

It's a real pain in the ass when you have all the will and efforts
to write songs which you think is good, but in the end turned
out to be something not. In my case. Yeah, I wrote a song just
two nights ago. I think it's pretty good. Could be a hit in the future
until I listened to my ipod and found out that the chorus turned
out to be exactly the same, with another song!

WHAT A RIP OFF!

I was like.. totally stunned. I like this song too. Apparently, I kept
listening to it sometime ago so I guess it just came out of my mind
when I was strumming the guitar. Damn!

My apologies to the composer of that song. She's my friend too.
Did a great job composing. Since it's already published. I guess
I'll keep the lyrics. Continue with it. Find a better melody for it.

Yes, I will! Muahaha

A Day Of Unexpected Activities

Haha. Alright. I admit my days of boredom are coming really fast and often. Haha. Okay, let me tell you how it's like. I often go lunch alone. I mean ALONE. Have you ever eaten any meals in KFC alone? Isn't that sad? Haha. Okay, this is acceptable. But not THIS! Unlocking your car and starting the engine not knowing where you're going next. Haha. Yeah, it happened to me. I didn't know which road to take nowadays and I just drive along its way, along the highway. I miss my days with Aoyama's, Greenroom's, DVD's watching and tapaoing foods back to eat! *Hmmph*

Yeah, so the other day after recording I didn't know where to go.. as usual. Haha. I drove along the highway's and without realizing I'm already in KL. Only then I realised I've to go pre-order a Mac forLing. Yeah. It's beautiful. Nice work from Mac. Damn it, I want one too! But I've got savings to do. Bah.. Potong steam. After I settled the matter, I walked around Low Yat and bumped into Sien Jie, Batman and Irene. Before that I called Danone and Cyanivan to meet up. They were on their way at that time. So I waited for them with the gang. Chatted a lot too. Feels good. I'm not alone. Haha. After a while, Cyanivan and Danone reached and we sat for a while before we left to Sg. Wang.

The feeling of walking around with buddies really makes darn a lot of difference. I mean yeah I've got some other buddies but heck they won't do the things we did! Muahaha. We were walking along shops until we saw these BIG machines with toys in it. These capsules used to be very small and it only costs like 20 cents for one. Now it's RM8! Expensive yet.. tempting. Haha it's hard to resist the temptation. Hard. We changed our tokens and walked around to see which one to get. Doraemon. The best choice. Wonderful. There's a total of 6 characters:

Doraemon
Doraemon in Red
Doralin
Nobita
Sinyu
Giant

Danone said something and it goes like this.

D: You put token la. If you put, I put!
E: Okay ah. You say gah. I put you put! *walking towards machine already*
C: I did this before. Not bad geh. Not bad geh.
D: *do funny face*
E: *puts the token in and rolled the button*

A big capsule came out with a red figurine. It's a Red Doraemon! Not bad for a start.

Danone went second and got a Doralin.

E&C: ....... *burst out laughing!*

Cyenivan didn't want to at first until both me and Danone brainwashed him to get one. His resistance towards our pursuations weren't that strong so he went and get one too. Tadaa! He got himself Sinyu. Something different. We looked at those capsules like kids, yes. Like KIDS. Then we started challenging each other to get another one. Babi. Okay, we changed tokens once again and this time the results weren't as bad. Danone got himself Giant and me, unbelievable.. Nobita! Haha! Wonderful. Having me and Danone looking at each other, we both stared at Cyenivan. The pursuations continued against him. Hehe. He resisted. This time he resisted even harder. Not bad. But the resistance didn't last for long. We went up to a higher level to avoid the machinese but it was fate, it was fate that brought us there. The were even more machines this time! Muahaha. Cyenivan's resisntancy fell apart this time and he had to roll another capsule from the machine. Just so that we will have 2 capsules each. In addition, we only have one more Doraemon in Blue to collect. Cyenivan changed tokens and put them into the machine. He rolled the button.

In silence.

"Trraaaaaaaakkkkk" - the capsule came out.

It's not a Blue Doraemon, but Doralin!

D&E: ........ *burst out laughing hard!*

There you go. The kid's having fun day in Sg. Wang. Muahaha. It was fun! I like it. Looking forward to another fun and adventurous outing like this. WE ROCK!

Being Paranoid-less

Paranoid is a very scary word. Sometimes you wouldn't even know how to differenciate between rights and wrongs. What to trust and what not to trust. Yadda yadda. But I'm glad there are still solutions out there to overcome this fear.

Listening to words and reading messages calms me down. So it makes the paranoid feeling go away. To those who often have this problem, I suggest you talk more. Talk to different people. Listen to songs. Sleep. Whatever.

I've already found mine, where's yours?

Being Paranoid

Used to wonder how it feels to be paranoid. Well, wondering too much gives you results. I know how it feels now. Haha. Paranoid is defined as feeling afraid or suspicious of other people and believing that they are trying to harm you, in a way that is not reasonable. I used to tell my friends how wrong it is to not think reasonably. Somehow, things happens and people can just talk without no reasons and things become harsh. Bla bla yadda yadda..

I hope I could just continue living my life without needing to think so much of the past sometimes. Allowing only the good and sweet ones and erased those bad and bitter ones. Heck, life wouldn't be so hard if that can be done, huh?

I guess sleeping myself away is one of the best choice to make. Goodnight people :)

The Gnomes

In a land far, far away from Mars. A place they call Earth, lies a garden full of gnomes. The gnomes community has been staying strong for centuries. Every gnomians in GnomerLand work hard making their garden beautiful and healthy. All the flowers and trees were planted and carefully taken care. Of course, all fairy tales has it's story. This one is not excluded. The story begins when a hero of GnomerLand village appears. His name is Gno-meerik. Gno-meerik is a very hardworking gnome and his work is to protect gnomians of his homeland.

One day, while Gno-meerik was patrolling around his village he saw a she-gnome planting flowers outside her garden. She hummed and danced gracefully while she was watering her flowers. Gno-meerik felt love at first sight for the first time. He climbed up the tree and started to quietly admire the she-gnome. The tree sensed Gno-meerik's love in the air and purposely sneezed to catch the she-gnome's attention. Gno-meerik fell down the ground with a loud thump! The she-gnome heard Gno-meerik's fall and ran out to see if he's alright. Gno-meerik's face blushed immediately to see the she-gnome standing in front of him asking if he's alright. Gno-meerik nodded his head and smiled. The she-gnome then introduced herself as Sho-yooyi. Both the gnomians chatted and got to know each other. Every after each day, they became closer and closer. Feelings start to grow from both sides.

Just when every gnomians in the village starts to feel happy, the sky turned dark and stormy and blew off every single flower and tree plantations. Then a big typhoon appeared out of nowhere blowing everyone away from each other. Who could stop such big natural disaster? Gno-meerik tried his best to save every gnomians to a safer place. However, he couldn't find Sho-yooyi to save. Gno-meerik searched everywhere for her in every corner. Still, no results to be seen. He searched harder but only to discover her black and white hairband. By the time he found it, the disaster disappeared like magic. Gno-meerik couldn't believe his eyes. He felt so disappointed in himself. He saved every gnomians in the village except for Sho-yooyi. Now that she's gone. Leaving only her hairband to him.

Gno-meerik felt ever-so-lonely from that day onwards. Gno-meerik never gave up. He kept searching for her high and low. In hopes that one day she will return to GnomerLand, by his side..

To be continued..

It's Raining, I'm Blogging, Wonders..

The feeling of blogging when it's raining is really, again, indescribable. It's 2.34am now. I should be sleeping. But the raindrops outside my window makes me wonder. Sitting in front of my beautiful, clear LCD and listening to the PC's fans whirring.. makes me wonder even more. Plus, the wonders of Internet. Haha. Alright.

I feel that we should be feeling really glad that everything around us has changed so fast compared to the olden days. We don't have Internet. We don't have hi-technology stuffs. The rain is still the same. Only difference is that.. what we have back then is more natural, less complicated and well, happier. Not saying we're not happy now but it felt less natural, more complicated and erm.. artificial happiness? Haha. I'm just thinking. Don't shoot me.

Probably we should just get use to the surroundings around us. Everything seems to be drastically changing nowadays. Even humans, sometimes. It's hard for us to stay the same, somehow. I mean, maybe I'm changing, in a way, hopefully to a better person. I believe I can, haha. Sometimes people think too much, they forget who they are deep inside. Being suspicious can be good, but not too suspicious. Haha. What, am I trying to speak like a philosopher? Nah, I'd shop better at Philosophy than being a philosopher. Muahaha. My ulcer's killing me.

The rain will make me sleep better tonight. Goodnight.